


Regrets

by toxictattoo



Category: Shounen Onmyouji
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-22
Updated: 2011-12-22
Packaged: 2017-10-27 20:34:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/299786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toxictattoo/pseuds/toxictattoo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Masahiro makes the ultimate sacrifice to save Touda. Seiryuu intends to follow through on his promise to kill Touda if another human was harmed by the shinshou. The two connect and find some even ground.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Regrets

**Author's Note:**

  * For [haraamis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/haraamis/gifts).



"You-" Explosive movement carried them both along, dragging furrows in the ground as one shinshou tried to stand firm against the anger of the other. They crashed into the side of the abandoned building. It rocked on its foundations, teetering precariously. By the grace of luck, it remained upright.

"Have no right-" Lightning flashed and thunder crashed around them as the two locked in battle. Fire retaliated but didn't carry the heat it would normally when faced with a fearsome foe.

"To be here!" Fireblasts met scythe. The two clashed again and again; over and over in a devastating display of unrestrained anger and heated emotions. The upheaval threatened to upset the balance; threatened to reverberate through the ethers and to disturb their master. Both cared, but neither were willing to back down first.

I know," Touda said quietly. His eyes closed. He shrugged Seiryuu off, pushed him back.

Seiryuu shouted through his rage. "No. Do not bow your head and try to stem my rage. You do not get out of this easily, Fire Master Touda. Stand and face me. Pay for what you've done. What you've done _again_."

He would not be so easily appeased. There was no making things right. Nothing Touda could do would ever make things right. Through his carelessness he almost killed Seimei. Through his carelessness he killed the fool grandson. It wasn't right that Touda's memories were the ones sealed. Touda, who would never have to know what he'd done. He vowed he'd kill Touda should he ever harm another human, and now that Touda's memories were unsealed, he would.

Seiryuu used the shaft of his scythe and he charged Touda. Their momentum carried them both to slam into a nearby tree. His knuckles white from the tight grip he held on his scythe as he pushed against the other shinshou. His lips peeled back from his teeth and he growled. "Fight me. Fight me so I am justified in killing you."

Touda's blood red eyes flared and he matched Seiryuu's gaze levelly. "Don't be such a coward. If you want to, then do it. What need do you have for a reason? You've vowed it," and he heaved against Seiryuu, sending the shikigami back away from him. With his hand outstretched, he gathered the fire at his command. "Follow through and try to kill me. It's your pride that demands satisfaction, not any love you feel."

He sneered and commanded his fire into long tendrils, snaking out to lash at Seiryuu. "Are you capable of love for Seimei, Seiryuu? Are you able to love at all or are you caught up in your own arrogance?"

Seiryuu deflected it with a wide sweep of his scythe. He charged Touda again. "You talk to me of love while you are faithless? You talk to me of love while your fire destroys everything you touch?" His swings were tight and focused. Balls of energy, light and anger and rage launched in his fury at the other shinshou.

He was vaguely aware that the other shinshou were watching. He could feel their tension as they sat on the roof, witness to the spectacle on the ground. Seiryuu dared them to come down and interfere.

There was no need for concern on that front. They wouldn't. While they all had their varying degrees of acceptance for the sinful Touda, none would dare come between Seiryuu and his stubborn anger. Knowing there was no stopping their fight, they faded from view. This was between Seiryuu and Touda and there would be no harmony with them until it finally settled.

Energy between them snapped, an explosion of heat and fire, forcing them apart again. "You have reason and I don't deny it," Touda said as they gained their balance and faced each other. "We all serve Seimei."

"Even you?" Seiryuu sneered at the thought.

"Even me," came the growled reply. Touda wrapped his hand around Seiryuu's wrist and pulled hard. Their bodies collided and he caught Seiryuu around the waist, keeping pressed against him so any physical blows were impossible. He stared into the ice-hard gaze. "Even me."

Seiryuu jerked against Touda but couldn't break the hold. The feel of hard physical form against hard physical form robbed him of his strength, sapped his desire to continue to trade blows. Memories of a lifetime ago boiled up. Several human life spans were but a mere moment in time for the shinshou and the memories of a time before their master stole Seiryuu's fight. "Release me," he ground out through clench teeth.

"Do you have no regrets, Seiryuu?"

The question disarmed Seiryuu and he hesitated before groping out to find his resolve again. He jerked against Touda's hold. "My only regret is not killing you the moment you harmed Seimei." Instead of fighting their closeness, Seiryuu leaned in, their mouths just centimeters apart. "Do _you_?" he challenged.

The fire in Touda's gaze dampened. "Yes. And more every day rest on my shoulders."

Seiryuu took advantage of Touda's guard dropping and hooked his foot through Touda's legs. In a tangle, he pushed Touda to the ground, dragged down after him as Touda hadn't released his hold on Seiryuu's arm and waist. "You're dangerous. You're reckless. You're unreliable."

"I know. These are things I know and I live with every day." Touda's hand was warm on Seiryuu's cheek.

Seiryuu jerked his head way and immediately regretted the loss of warmth in that one simple touch. His weakness only served to anger him further. "We can't trust you."

" _You_ can't trust me."

Seiryuu's voice dropped to a choked whisper. "Your betrayal against Seimei was a betrayal against us."

"Against _you_."

"Me, us... Against one of us is against all of us."

Touda shook his head. "I stand accused and rightfully so. Seimei imposed his judgment and sentence. He is our master."

"And yet you've managed to find a way out of that as well." Seiryuu finally gained some semblance of his sense and pushed off Touda, rolling to the side and sitting on the grass next to him. "Seimei forgives you every time. Even when it was his idiot grandson who bore the brunt of your senseless state, he forgives you."

Touda pushed to sit up. "I had no control over that."

Seiryuu couldn't tell if he meant the punishment or the crime. His lips twitched and he looked away. A firm hand in his hair, grasped hair and Seiryuu's head was yanked back. Off balance, he landed on his back. Touda appeared in view, his body covering Seiryuu's to press him down into the soft earth.

Stubbornly, Seiryuu remained silent. He relaxed against the familiar weight pressing against him. Touda's form was comforting. Arousing.

"Silent, stubborn Seiryuu," Touda whispered against his mouth. "You haven't changed."

"You've changed too much," came the reply. More talk was silenced when Seiryuu lifted his head and claimed Touda's mouth as his. And through their kiss, his anger and his deep wounding at Touda's betrayal poured forth until it was as firm between them as their bodies through the heated touches.

Seiryuu arched beneath Touda, his foot planted to turn them. He rolled to a position of advantage and grabbed at Touda's hands, pinning them against the ground over Touda's head. He met the fiery gaze with an icy one of his own, desperately trying to hold to the rage that had cloaked him for so long. Seiryuu would have settled for his disdain for Touda, or even angry indifference. It gave way beneath the weight of the Touda's gaze.

He couldn't stand it, to see that look, to hear the unspoken wish to, if not let it go, to try to understand. Understanding wasn't what shinshou did. They obeyed their master, and one of their own kind had betrayed that.

Betrayed Seimei.

Betrayed Seiryuu.

Seimei had forgiven. Even the useless, weak grandson had sacrificed himself so that Touda wouldn't suffer beneath the crushing guilt of what he'd done. It made no sense. _Humans_ made no sense.

He stared down at Touda, thoughts racing in too many directions at once to make sense of them. He heard nothing but the rustle of the wind in the trees, could feel nothing but the pulse of their existence. It was all so overwhelming and out of reach. Before he could push away, get away, gain distance needed for clarity he felt the soft touch brush over the knuckles on his hand.

Touda's thumb stroked lightly over corporeal skin, a gentle touch in the churning sea of his confused rage.

Something broke in Seiryuu, his hands released the deathgrip he held and he snarled at his own weakness. He curved his spine and pressed his forehead to Touda's shoulder. "This changes little," he said, hands moving to touch the body he'd not held in too long and now held a ravenous hunger to have again.

"That you are here," Touda said, wrapping his arms around Seiryuu, "changes enough."


End file.
